Why do you truly want to get married?

Choosing to marry is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. Yet too many people rush into it without ever asking themselves the real question: Why am I doing this?

Some want to escape loneliness. Others hope marriage will fix their problems. Some feel the pressure from family or society. These aren’t reasons; they’re distractions from the real work that needs to happen first.

So where do you actually start? The answer lies in understanding what true readiness looks like. It’s not something that happens overnight and it’s not just about money or having your life figured out. Real readiness requires honest reflection across multiple areas of your life; your mind, your heart and your spirit.

Bismillah;

The Foundation: Your Intention

Before you even think about finding someone, you need to understand your intention. This is everything.

Your spouse will not be your therapist. They cannot heal your emotional wounds or solve your personal issues. You must work on yourself first and become whole before inviting someone into your life.

Ask yourself honestly:

• Am I getting married to run toward something good or to run away from something painful?
• Am I ready to be a partner or am I looking for someone to complete me?
• Do I understand that marriage is a responsibility, not a solution?

If you can’t answer these questions with clarity, you’re not ready yet – my brother and sister.

Three Areas of Readiness (readiness goes far beyond having money in the bank. It’s about becoming the person your future spouse deserves):

• Emotional Readiness

Can you control your anger? Can you express your feelings without attacking? Can you apologise when you’re wrong and forgive when you’ve been hurt?

Marriage will test you. There will be moments when you feel misunderstood or hurt. Your emotional maturity determines whether these become learning experiences or the start of resentment.

• Social Readiness

Can you listen without planning your response? Can you communicate your needs clearly without making demands? Can you show up with grace in your spouse’s family and community?

A good marriage exists within families, friends and communities. You need to know how to show up for people with integrity and kindness.

• Spiritual & Intellectual Readiness

This is where many people miss the depth of what marriage actually is. In our beautiful Deen, marriage is not just a contract. It’s ibadah; an act of worship. You’re entering into this with Allah as witness. That changes everything.

Approach marriage with the same excellence you’d bring to your prayers. Study what a good marriage looks like. Read, reflect, ask wise people. Know that Allah is watching how you treat your spouse, how you handle responsibility, how you honour your commitments.

Your intellectual readiness means you’ve thought this through. You understand the challenges. You know your own non-negotiables. You’ve had honest conversations with yourself about what kind of spouse you want to be.

The Heart Matters More Than Circumstances

When you prepare in these three areas, something shifts. You stop looking for the perfect person and start becoming the right person. You enter marriage with realistic expectations and a sincere heart.

A sincere heart means:

• You’re entering this for the right reasons
• You’re prepared to give, not just receive
• You understand this is a journey, not a destination
• You’re committed to your spouse’s wellbeing, not just your own

This is what creates the strong foundation every successful marriage needs. My mum (rahimahallah) used to say: “Guurku waa hanti, waa nimco, waa farxad iyo khayr. Laakiin ha ku ciyaarin; u ilaali sida aynu ukunta u ilaalinno.”

Translation for my “hooyo ma taallo” brothers and sisters LOL”: marriage is a treasure, a blessing, a source of happiness and goodness. But never take it lightly; protect it the way we protect eggs.”

OK, my dear brother and sister before you say YES

Don’t rush. Take time to reflect. If you’re feeling lonely, work on building community and purpose first. If you’re hoping marriage will fix you, address those issues in therapy or with trusted advisors. If you’re feeling pressured, have a conversation about what you actually want.

The decision to marry is priceless and it deserves your deepest thought, your most honest reflection and your clearest intention. When you’re ready; truly ready; you’ll know. And your marriage will be built on something solid.

God bless you and your marriage bi idnillah.